SpyDude: MIA ?
Hey, everyone, SpyDude here:
I'm still around, I've just had some major changes going on in my life lately, and haven't been here. After a package and a kind note from one of our members here (thanks, DrDodge), I decided it was about time to let you all know what was going on and where I've been.
I did not make this public, and only a few people here know, but like Rubber Tow, I also had a family tragedy. I lost my partner of 24 years right after Thanksgiving last year, which is pretty much why you haven't seen me since then (except at the Bug Bonanza, and that was only because it was a prebuilt car.) I've been busy cleaning the house, packing up items to be put in storage, dealing with all the emotional landmines laying all over the place, and generally trying to make the house that we shared into a place for myself without hurting too much. (I won't even go into all the legal paperwork and bs that I have to deal with on top of all this...) I have a full house and a full storage unit to work on, and I don't have room to lay down a track even if I wanted to. I keep looking at my cars, and at the race schedule, and keep thinking, "I should try to enter that one, maybe it will make me feel better" and then the race deadline slides on by and I've missed another one.
This has been EXTREMELY hard for me, as I am literally doing it all alone. I can't have anyone over here to help out, because I have things placed in certain places for a reason, and I can at least tiptoe around those without too much pain. Anyone else comes in here that doesn't know where everything is? Boom, boom, boom.... all those landmines start blowing up. Then I not only have to deal with my own pain, but theirs, as well, and I am just not up for doing that. And yesterday was her birthday ......
Adding to this that my job has been running me ragged since December, with a third of the crew missing on any given day, and it's not been a fun time. My health has been suffering--sleep has been very difficult during the past months, and I seem to be eating only when I remember to--but I'm doing my best to keep moving forward, one step at a time.
I miss you guys. I miss racing. I miss talking to all of you and laughing and just hanging out and giving each other crap about racing and life in general. I will be back .... I just don't know when at this time. I'm down, but I'm not out.
Take care, brothers. Keep an eye on Lane 2.... maybe someday I'll be there again.
-Bill aka "SpyDude", Aces High Racing
Discussion
Hey spy, even tho I don't know you to much personally, I get it. Losing a loved one is always hard, it's never easy and frankly it's not something that heals and more so something that just becomes dull overtime. Regardless take as much time as you need to recover and to get your mental and emotion state into an at least working condition. We will we always be here for you and even if it takes another year we shall welcome you back with open arms and cheers whenever you are comfortable stepping back onto the track again.
- well said — dr_dodge
- Absolutely — Dutch_Clutch_Racing
- Trying to, amigo. As I said, I’m packing up a whole lot of her stuff and moving it over to storage until a time when I feel strong enough to deal with it. At the same time, I’m bringing some of my stuff back because it made me happy once upon a time, and I need that more than ever now. — SpyDude
such kind words (from all), Thank You to All. We are a community. that means listening, and paying attention to everyone, and truly caring.
I had been behind, (as always) and ment to get a gift car out 3 months ago.
Then suddenly "needed" to send it, and I did. God had a reason to do it, not me.
I am so happy the dude is back, and hope your healing goes well
Cannot think of my life with out Mrs dr. 40 + years....I would be destroyed! Totally!
everyone should hug everyone they love every day because....well
spy dude, I am, and assume many of us are here for ya!
thats what a community is about "good times and bad"
I hope to see ya on the track so I can try to kick you butt,
get well, reach out, and we await your return
dr
Spy dude I definitely miss seeing you on the track!! But you and your life and health are all that really matters. Just know you are missed. There will always be racing when you are ready. And feel free to reach out I don't know you personally but am always willing to lend a listening ear!! I may have never lost a spouse but have lost a child. I know the pain of loss as so many of us do. I also know how work can bring you down. Believe it when I say talking helps. Reach out to someone when you feel the need.
Take care God bless.
Hello Bill/'Spy Dude',
I know all too well the pain and emotional rollercoaster you are experiencing, and as others have said it's a long process that we all have to cope with in our own way. I lost my Wife of 20 years, Valerie, in 2015 to Huntington's Disease, and not a day goes by that I don't think about her multiple times. I too still live in the house we bought together back in 1993, and every room holds precious memories of Love lost way too soon. Over time I think you will find comfort in letting go of certain material things but putting them in storage until you feel capable of dealing with all of that is a good start. Keep the things that mean the most on display and close, and one day you will find the strength to sort through the rest. In the meantime, please consider donating any clothes, shoes or other personal effects that are not valuable to Hospice or other charitable organization, and that can help bolster the healing process. Giving to others in our own times of need can be very healing.
I am very fortunate to have had our only child, my son, Craig Junior (a.k.a.'Zippin' Zeek') to help me get through the tremendous loss, and if it wasn't for him there is no telling where I would be today. I also went straight to my Church the day she passed to rest my broken heart in the comfort of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. That is the best advice I can give, is to embrace his Grace and give your pain, heartbreak and emotions to him, and he will give you comfort. Whether it be a kind word from a stranger, or a close friend's shoulder to cry on, he will give you peace.
As far as the Diecast Hobby is concerned, I too have met several wonderful people here over the past four years racing, and it is such a blessing to have a creative outlet to occupy an idle mind. In time, you will re-discover your place in the hobby, and once again enjoy the camaraderie it offers. Until that time keep fighting the good fight, and when the urge strikes, and the pain of loss is slightly quelled you will find joy in the hobby again. I've been an avid collector of diecast cars since I was a teenager, and still have many of my childhood cars. Like many others, the crushing boredom of the pandemic sent many of us already dealing with depression and loss into a tailspin, and I desperately searched for a distraction from my circumstances. When I re-discovered my Hot Wheels collection, and then stumbled on YouTube videos of Diecast Racing I was totally rejuvenated and excited about something for the first time in a long time. Participating in races, modifying and painting cars, coming up with my own graphics and decals has been very therapeutic, and I am very thankful to be a member of this community.
Feel free to reach out any time My Friend!
Kind Regards,
Craig
- well said, I can not imagine how it feels — dr_dodge
- Thank you, Craig. I've been slowly donating stuff to the women's shelters around town. It's clearing out a little of the pile, but Carolyn was quite the clotheshorse! Add in that and her books and collectibles, and I've nearly filled up half the master bedroom with boxes (luckily I don't sleep in there,,,) Mainly right now it's been a matter of getting my head on straight: sometimes I will come home in the evening, look at the mess, and think, "I just don't have the energy to do this tonight ..." Of course, there are some nights when I'm not feeling so down, and those are my more productive nights of getting things done, even little things like putting up a shelf or packing a box. The main thing is to keep going forward - that's why the windshield is so big and the rearview mirrors are so small.. — SpyDude
I'm so sorry, Bill. Know that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, just gotta keep driving towards it.
I'm certain it's not easy talking about it and the fact that you felt comfortable enough to share it out in the open with this community means a lot. You helped build this place and I hope we can help in your process, even if just in a very tiny way.
- Thank you, Brian. As i said, I only opened up to a few people here who are in another Facebook group I am in, "Diecast Dads." After John (DrDodge) sent a car to me that he'd promised for a while, along with some kind words, I decided to open up even more and let you guys here all know why I have been missing from action. It's just one more step in the healing process. — SpyDude
Bill, I'm deeply sorry that this tragedy has found you, and I wish I had known to reach out before this post, as you've done the same for me in the past. For these types of things, there isn't so much recovery as there is just finding peace, and I hope it finds you in short order. You're a central member in this little community and your absence will absolutely be felt. I wish you well, and my heart goes out to you.
SpyDude/Bill, I can't imagine what you're going through, but know that I've been missing you and wondering what's been up. I'm so sorry for your loss. In 2022 I lost one of my oldest and closest friends, and it derailed me, so I can only imagine your pain. And it's true - one effing day a a time is all we can do. It never gets easier, it just becomes less hard.
Miss you, dude. We're here for you now, and we'll be here when you're ready.
Patrick
- Well, now you know, my friend. I miss all you guys, too, and I hope to one day be able to return to racing. It's just been so much of a headache getting everything done that at the end of the day, I'm too tired to even think about setting up a car or thinking, "Oh, there's a race in three weeks, I better get something together." I have a few cars already together, but no one is racing those particular models (The Bug Bonanza car just came back from a dragstrip race and was already at the weight limit for the Bonanza, so I just re-lubed it and sent it back out.) Believe me, I'm tryi g to get my life in order so I can start enjoying living again instead of just hurting ..... — SpyDude
SpyDude.....we don't know each-other. I have seen your name & logo around. I cannot imagine the struggles you are experiencing. I do not really know what to say except that I hear you. Ask for help as you can and if you need to. Take care and heal. If diecast racing truly brings you joy....you'll get back at it. I can tell you that this group will welcome you back....and help you if you need it. Dr. Dodge was the 1st to reach out/connect with me when I 1st started (Nov. 2023). He's a pretty good guy.....and I know there are many more around here. Take care, heal and ask for help when & where you can. I hope to see you on the track. It'd be an honor to follow your tail lights. (I'm pretty slow so......I see tail lights).
Dutch